Tricked ya…I’m not engaged
but please enjoy reading this reflection on something that happened to me in light of another article that was written with a similar title…
If you were on Facebook at all during January, you most likely came across the article titled “23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23“. You can read the article here. This particle article also had many counterparts of people joining in to agree with it or to refute it. Now don’t worry, I’m not going to give you a list of 23 counter arguments. I’m not even going to spend too much time discussing this shockingly horrible article, except to tell you I clearly disagree with it, because that is not what this blog post is essentially about.
As I said, there were many people on social media who came to the defense of those who get engaged/married young, and the nature of marriage in general. I came across one that I particularly liked, you can see it here, and I decided that it was worth a share. Note that I did not write any of my own personal comment to go along with the share, I simply shared it.
What I did not expect was the two events that happened next…and these are just the ones I am aware of. To start with, a friend of mine on Facebook commented on the share saying something along the lines of “Brooke, are you engaged or just trying to drop a REALLY BIG HINT?”. Secondly, a friend of my boyfriend went as far as to screenshot my shared post and text it to him asking “someone trying to drop a hint?”.
To be completely honest, I was in complete shock that this was the reaction, because at no point was that ever my intention for sharing the post. I was in absolutely no way trying to “drop a hint” to my boyfriend that I want him to ask me to marry him. I was not at all trying to pressure him into it, or suggest that it needs to happen before a certain age. I simply thought that what the woman had to say as a response to the original article had something true and beautiful about it that expressed the dignity of the sacrament of marriage.
I ended up deleting the shared post, and I intended to write this blog post almost immediately after it happened, but ya know, life got (stayed) busy. But I deleted the post because I didn’t want anyone to think I was attempting to pressure Timothy into anything. He is an adult, who makes his own decisions and if he chooses to one day ask me to marry him it will be because it is what he wants and what he feels God is calling him to.
Did you catch that last part though? If Timothy one day does ask me to marry him it will be because it is what he, in his heart of hearts, feels that God is calling him to.
This is another reason why I was so very shocked at the response I got to sharing that article. It is no secret that Timothy and I are in a very committed and love-filled relationship, and have been for quite some time now (especially for young people our age). Is it really then so shocking that I would one day want him to ask me to marry him? I would hope that after almost 4 years (anniversary in october) of being with someone, I would have at least a small inclination of whether or not I think it is going somewhere serious (i.e. marriage). I was once told, long before Tim and I started dating, that “If you date someone that you cannot see yourself marrying, then you are training yourself for divorce.” This is something that I took very seriously, and if I couldn’t see myself spending forever with Timothy, then I have to tell ya, I wouldn’t have spent these past almost 4 years dating him.
I hope that this perspective can help other people in dating situations as well. If you do not see yourself marrying them then don’t spend so much time dating them, or any time for that matter. And here I don’t mean the kind of marrying where “don’t worry divorce is always an option”, because for me it is never an option. I mean the marrying where you are committed to sharing your life with this person, for always.
So sorry Timothy, I can kinda see myself marrying you…guess thats why I’m still with ya almost 4 years later…hope this isn’t breaking news…
And sorry world, if that comes as a shock to you…but I’m not actually sorry. Marriage is a divine call, may we never forget that.